I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
