note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
