How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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