i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
