I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
