dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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