her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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