so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
