Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
