dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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