Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
