I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
