when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
