Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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