I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
