lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
