apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
