i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
