The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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