I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
