I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Randomize
