Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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