She announced her abortion via fbk
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
