would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
We need to rekindle our bromance
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
