My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
