Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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