and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
