Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
