I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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