I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
