Why are handjobs necessary in class?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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