Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
