now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
