Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
