there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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