Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
