You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
the condom got lost in my hair
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
