No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
