we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
