were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
