My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
