Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
