I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
