party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
