dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
