the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
