I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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