just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
