So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
i've created a new STD.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
