We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
