I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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